Another Grain of Sand

"On the Edge" 11x14 oil on linen panel

     I have titled this post "Another Grain of Sand" because it is the thought that went through my head as I completed this painting. I was pleased with it and then immediately said to myself "so what, it's a drop in the ocean, just another grain of sand". Hmmm beach metaphors... well I am at the beach maybe that is why I am feeling small and insignificant?  The truth is I feel like this often after I finish a painting.  I did say this blog was about the highs and lows, well that feeling is one of the lows.  When I am working on a painting I am so engrossed it doesn't matter to me who will see it or what they will think of it. It has all my attention. Then it is finished and it either lands in the "pile" or it gets a frame, gets wrapped up and stuck in a closet until there is an opportunity to show it. 
     I paint a lot of paintings, I have been painting a lot of paintings for a long time.  Some find homes and that is good.  However, there are many painters painting many, many paintings.  I go to Facebook and I am inundated with image after image of wonderful paintings being painted everyday.  I visit online galleries and other artists websites until I am on sensory overload and my head is spinning and I realize I am one little painter in a vast sea of painters.
      I am thankful for every person who sees one of my paintings and perhaps for a moment shares my inspiration and the enthusiasm and optimism I felt while painting it but in the final analysis I have to paint for myself. That has to be enough.  If I work to be successful, known, a famous artist then I won't know what to paint.  It will make me nuts!  Ah, the tortured artist. That makes me a real one right?
http://www.jeanschwartzpaintings.com/